| What Garrison Keillor has to say about Methodists: |
We make fun of Methodists for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like them…
If you were to ask an audience in New York City, a relatively Methodistless place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore," they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Methodists, they’d smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road...
Many Methodists are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony, a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person’s rib cage. It’s natural for Methodists to sing in harmony. We are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you’re singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it’s an emotionally fulfilling moment. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not forsake each other…
These Methodists, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you could call up when you’re in deep distress. If you were dying, they will comfort you. If you are lonely, they’ll talk to you. And if you are hungry, they’ll give you tuna salad…
Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud. Methodists like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas…
Methodists usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins. They believe in miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate. Methodists feel that applauding for their children’s choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited; and they think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace…
Methodists drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament. They feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall. And at their church suppers, they still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season…
Methodists believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously. And finally, you know you are a Methodist when:
It’s 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service. When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the force be with you," they all respond, "and also with you."
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Howland United Methodist Church
730 Howland Wilson Rd NE
Warren, OH 44484
Phone: 330-856-3463
Fax: 330-856-7037
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